Noble Japanese pseudo-rockstar, or at least the closest a game designer can get, Tomonobu Itagaki and his Team Ninja ninjas created the original Ninja Gaiden for Xbox, following it with the update Ninja Gaiden Black, before bringing the impossibly difficult third-person slasher to the next-generation with Ninja Gaiden Sigma on PlayStation 3. However, it is Ninja Gaiden II for Xbox 360 that is considered the genuine sequel and will likely be the last Ninja Gaiden for while, or ever, as Itagaki has now left his previous employers, Tecmo, suing them in the process. So question is, does Itagaki’s acrobatic, wall-running, side-rolling, sword-fighting ninja, Ryu, have what it takes to truly challenge new and old players on this console generation?

Well yes. It is quite a challenge. In fact, Ninja Gaiden II is a game that celebrates it’s own prowess, almost seeking to deter players from actually playing. Which doesn’t necessarily mean it is enjoyable, though. The random bosses, ranging from ninja spider-men with eight arms and plenty of hair to effeminate ninja boy-girls with wings, will, for instance, perform hold attacks on you - as bosses tend to do - but instead of simply ripping chunks from your health gauge and moving on, they’re more than happy to keep holding you. They’ll beat you, then beat you. Throw you, then beat you. All this takes place in a wonderfully dramatic 30 second extravaganza in which player control is removed, leaving you to do nothing more than watch Ryu flap around bleeding like a gutted fish. Finally, he’s thrown to the ground, at which point player control is returned.

Yes, I understand that I’m not SUPPOSED to get caught in the grips of whatever monster Ryu is facing but shouldn’t the punishment of losing health, or life, be more than enough? Maybe Team Ninja is teaching me to be calm, to be in control, to suppress frustration. No, I doubt it. After enduring the same self-appreciating in-battle cinematic three times in a row, having been snatched again as soon as I reoriented myself after regaining control, my hands tightened around the poor controller, which was yelping at me with audible cracks. The way boss battles play out leaves very little time, if any, to actually discover the tactics with which to isolate the enemies weakness and exploit them. In effect, I’m not learning a damn thing, just dying lots.

Once inevitably kicking the proverbial digital-bucket, a “Game Over” screen is presented alongside the option to continue. “Do you want to continue?” Of course I bloody well do. Offering the age-old “No” option is like offering players a way-out of repetitive death. A way back to the dead-end menu screen. I’d rather just turn off the console and walk away, is that what the game is asking? After composing myself, I select “Yes”, which brings me to a loading screen, followed by a screen presenting overview text recapping the events up until now. A prompt, “press A”. This leads to another loading screen. When finally able to move Ryu of my own free-will, pressing “up” to select another a different weapon from the quick-switch menu results in another little shuriken-emphasised “Loading” pause. There must have been someway to speed up this process. Not only is it humiliating being constantly beaten into the ground, time after time, but it is painfully slow trying to get back into the game for another punishing round. Heck, Devil May Cry 4 solved the death to continue problem by including accumulative experience points, providing every death with meaning and allowed players - on PlayStation 3 at least - to almost immediately jump back into play by hitting “Continue” once.

On more than three separate occasions - before I eventually tossed away my dignity and turned the console off instead of choosing from the Game Over screen option - I got stuck on a variety of bosses that serve no narrative purpose or function, offer a limited move-set and fulfill the sort of self-appreciation I was speaking of before. “Roar! Here’s a boss. It will kill you. You won’t know why you’re fighting it. It will frustrate you. Enjoy!” One such boss was the giant flying snake-like thing, with a big human face, which wormed it’s way through a section of a collapsed subway tunnel. One of the attacks features a swarm of miniature sperm-like versions, ejaculated too fast to be dodged. The only way to prevent being damaged from this to use Ki powers, which allow Ryu to dish out damage while remaining temporarily invulnerable. It might have been more satisfying to learn to counter them by blocking and timing a hit but I think this is _slightly_ more satisfying, effective. Following at least twenty or so deaths, each concluding with an internal “Continue: Yes or No?” debate, I discovered that I wasn’t as stupid as I thought I must have been to keep dying. I had been using the right tactics to defeat the creature - aim a powered arrow and bury it in this thing’s skull, an idea I stumbled upon the seventh death, clued in by an inconveniently located arrow-filled corpse at one end of the tunnel. Despite this useful hint, I still feel as though this boss was far too overpowered, the difficulty curve spiking at exactly the wrong moment and without any justification. Later in the game, maybe I wouldn’t have felt as deterred had they built up another, similar task, before this confrontation.

Imagine the difficulty curve is a treadmill on which you’re pounding away. Say you’re cruising at an easy 10 kilometres an hour, then the random function tilts the slope 5%, which forces trickles of sweat from your brow, heavier breathing and a slight burning sensation in your calves. Fine, that’s what you’d expect, a graceful increase in pain. Then, without warning, the ugliest “it” you’ve ever seen in the world jumps up in your face out of nowhere, the treadmill flips upright - an impossible 90 degrees perpendicular to the floor - and the speed ramps to MAX. At this point, you’re sent flailing, with all the hilarity of early ragdoll physics, into the wall behind you.

For me, Ninja Gaiden II brought nothing but spitting rage - my own self-control the only thing standing between my controller and the wall. In an effort to understand then what the draw card is for already experienced Ninja Gaiden players, I returned to and played predecessors Ninja Gaiden Black and Ninja Gaiden Sigma.

My, admittedly, quick detour back to the past succeeded not in making me appreciate Ninja Gaiden II more, though I did realise how useful the new health regeneration feature is, but highlighted just how amazingly polished the original Xbox title was. Graphically, it could compete with some of today’s releases and it’s gameplay is smoother, more responsive, than half the current Xbox 360 catalogue. And, yes, it is just as difficult as Ninja Gaiden II, if not more so. Ninja Gaiden Sigma brought the same gameplay into semi-hi definition, and upped the polygon count in coordination with more detailed textures, though only upgraded enough to qualify it as a 1.5 update from Black.

NG round 2 does throw in a few extra weapons, including a hefty scythe, improved the graphics - though not as much as you’d expect, sort of a  1.75 update compared to Black - and throws in a lot of blood. Glorious amounts of bright red paint-the-walls-with-spray style blood. Real Japanese anime / samurai flick blood. Also, dismemberment. Though I wasn’t expecting, it turns out that watching Ryu slash limbs from impossibly frustrating enemies, before brutally finish them off with a stab of the Y button and a quick decapitation, is satisfying. The core tactics, forcing players to separate and finish one enemy off from a hoard, are also the same and make me wonder if there is, in fact, anything overly new and innovative in II at all.

The only way to summarise this review is that, in short, I hated Ninja Gaiden II. For the time I played, I wished it would spit less in my face. I just wanted to quit. The only reason I returned to the bogus story and unrelenting violence was to maintain the integrity of this review and I failed at that. From the extensive reading of forum threads and other reviewers’ interpretations, I can only surmise that if you liked the original Ninja Gaiden, you’ll like this because it is just more Ninja Gaiden, only with blood and, apparently, that’s all you really wanted anyway, so enjoy.

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Steven Spielberg not only knows how to produce and direct classic films for the whole family, he also knows how to design classic games for the whole family too. Like many of his films, Boom Blox relies on easy to understand action, a good sense of humour and things exploding.

Boom Blox is a complex physics-based game revolving around a variety of different building blocks, ways to interact with the blocks and creatures that interact with the blocks and all across a huge variety of game modes.

The controls are immediately accessible to all players; whip the controller at the screen after pointing and locking on to a location to blow away a block, or; carefully grab and pull a block out Jenga-style, without bringing everything crashing down, or; do your best to destroy a structure with a water canon in the fastest possible time, or; point at the screen and pull the trigger to zap away flying blocks. And, thankfully, the Wii-mote is responsive and predictable, the best implementation from a third-party developer to date.

One particular mode, Explore, provides a huge range of levels that teach the player how to interact with the blocks and become accustomed to the controls mentioned afore.

Adventure mode offers similar challenges to Explore but throws a bunch of Domino-like animal characters into the mix, who each have different behaviours and will steal specific blocks, attack other animals and interact with the environment. The levels in Adventures are also designed to resemble forts.

Successful completion of the challenges requires players to meet key objectives. For instance, you may need to remove all the wooden-blocks without letting any minus-point blocks hit the ground, or destroy the maximum number of point-blocks using a limited number of balls by solving a puzzle based around exploding-blocks and falling pillars. Here’s the thing, for those scoffing at the cutesy characters, whiny high-pitched voices and ridiculously stupid (though entertaining) story about the rise of the sheep versus every other critter in the land, Boom Blox can be, at times, an extraordinarily deep puzzle-game.

Each level is intricately designed, making use of up to five different block varieties in a single stage, and taking into account chaos theory and the physics engine, you’ve got a game that requires thought, nuance, and persistence to complete to 100%. Yes, it’s easy enough to blast through each level with little more than a five second calculation and a flick of the wrist, but in order to earn the coveted gold medals, skipping the demeaning silver and bronze awards, requires careful thought and planning. When a tower with a bomb on top slowly collapses in tribute to the Leaning Tower of Pisa, perfect timing is required to explode said bomb just as it strikes the top of a floating platform filled with point-blocks.

Believe me, you’ll want to earn gold. I’ve never played a game that pats you on your back for nearly every one of your accomplishments. You got gold? Congratulations! Have a bunch of free characters to use in create a level. You got silver? Well, that’s not too bad, here, have a character anyway - but you should really go for gold. You failed? Well, no, Boom Blox won’t reward you for that but it will most definitely encourage you to try again.

I mentioned that you can create levels, didn’t I? Hope you picked that up because the level editor is extremely powerful. Hooking up a nun-chuk and using the Wii-mote allows you to build levels with an intricacy that you may not have expected from a Wii title. You’re able to manipulate the environment as you see fit, making use of every object in the game, providing you’ve earned them, and even include a range of pre-built structures, such as my favourite, a block or creature hurling catapault! Heck, itís fun to simply throw a bunch of critter blocks into the level and watch them chase each other, throw bombs at each other and generally create havoc. If there’s a downside, it’s that using the editor for only a few minutes revealed my inadequacies as a game designer but at the same time, provides literally hundreds of building blocks for you to play around with for fun. Actually, you’re even able to edit any pre-made level from a simple pause menu at any time, which helps relieve stress if you continue to fail at achieving gold and just want to watch everything explode.

In addition to the single-player modes and Create Mode, a wide variety of cooperative and competitive multiplayer modes are also available. These offer an even more diverse range of games that are all extremely fun for party play and intense two-player rivalry.

Though some of the game modes can become boring after repetitive play, and admittedly, there’s only so much flicking of the wrist a man can handle that isn’t man handling, there is such a huge number of things to do and things to create to do in Boom Blox that it’s remarkably easy to just do something else if one thing becomes too tiring.

If you own a Wii, you just have to play Boom Blox. This game is so fun, it’s just as entertaining watching someone else destroying blocks on screen as it is holding the Wii-mote and trying to do it yourself. For any game, that’s saying something.

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Warning: This rant has not been edited.

So I’ve returned to the big Apple for the first time in years. My excuse for leaving, nearly six years ago now, was that pirate material wasn’t as easy to get hold of as the Windows equivalent and I wanted to play games - mostly pirated.

However, I’m forever done with packaged laptops - Dell, ASUS, Acer - and Windows desktop systems. Why? Mostly due to my experiences with Vista and the number of problems I’ve had with PC hardware in general. Disc drives failing shortly into life, motherboards exploding, hard drives just dying and the pain that’s caused when trying to locate the necessary drivers to make everything work together.

Within twenty minutes of booting the brand new MacBook Pro, with 2.5ghz Dual Core Intel processor, NVIDIA 8600M GT graphics card and 2GB of ram, I couldn’t be happier. Taken out of the box, it just works. The design is slick, the silver blinding, the keyboard lit up when dad blocked the light - surprising me before pleasing me - the keypad is silky smooth (even though I miss the DEL, HOME and END keys), the screen is wide and lacks the bullshit included in my old G1, which I’ve noticed only added to it’s excessive bulk, yet the biggest pleasure of all is simply being able to use OS X.

My first *gasp* came when a friend showed me the application Quicksilver. Rather than forcing me to navigate to a menu and click with the touch pad, I can just hit Command + Space Bar, then type “Fir” and hit Enter, then Firefox opens. How awesome is that? And, after using the laptop for only a little while longer, I’ve learned it’s nearly possible to forgo using the trackpad at all. Well, in most circumstances.

When trying to print out documentation for using Boot Camp to install Windows XP, I was pleasantly surprised, again. After plugging in my Brother printer, I stood dumbstruck thinking, “Well is the printer working, or not?” After screwing around for a short time, I thought bugger it. I’ll start printing anyway and what do you know, on the select printer screen the Brother printer was ready to use. OS X didn’t ask me to install the drivers, didn’t feel the need to jump up and down seeking praise when I plugged the printer in, as though I should have patted it or fed it a biscuit - not like a certain OS *cough* Vista *cough*  that I’d been using up until now. OS X just did it’s thing and let me do mine. It’s like we have an understanding. I don’t need to know what the laptop is thinking, as long as it’s doing what it needs to to let me do my thing. It doesn’t treat me like an idiot. And I respect that.

What else is there to love? Oh yes, the way programs on OS X are relatively self-contained. You simply drag one file across into the Applications folder to install and you’re done. When installing for Windows OS, it’s like every program feels the need to spread it’s tendrils throughout the system. First there’s the files it needs to operate, then it imbeds itself in your registery and might feel the need to throw some drivers in too. To uninstall, you need to use an uninstall file but you’re still going to find slimy remnants of each removed program worming their way through your system. Eugh.

Moving away from Windows, the first thing I missed most is the Windows + D shortcut, which displays the desktop immediately. Hitting the same combo again brings all the menus back. However, Expose makes me feel as though Show Desktop was an afterthought, considering Expose offers the ability to display the desktop, display all open windows on screen at once and display all windows open within the program. OS X just feels like it does so much more than Windows and more efficiently, no matter what you throw at it.

Currently, I’m also resisting the urge to also start raving mad about the desktop Dictionary, which I’ve set to the top right corner.

The next rant? Why the MacBook Pro rocks on the design and hardware front.

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Lego Star Wars has already been proven hugely popular. Combining a universally recognised, and immensely popular franchise, with the fun and imaginative world of Lego has resulted in an instantly familiar and accessible game for both children and adults alike that is both nostalgic and fresh. With no “Game Over” screen, cooperative play, plenty of collectibles, and a rewards system that does nothing but pat you on the back for hours on end, Lego Star Wars was made to be played on a couch in relaxation mode, or with friends on a couch with beer. However, with the release of Lego Indiana Jones, and Lego Batman peaking over the horizon, has the Lego novelty yet worn off?

Traveller’s Tales have perfectly captured the cheekiness inherent in George Lucas’ original three films; Raiders of the Lost Ark; The Temple of Doom, and; The Last Crusade. Particularly during the cutscenes, which may bring about a good chuckle as Indy lets his love fall flat on her face, followed by an obligatory over-exaggerated facial expression conveying disappointment, or, when Indy pulls out the shining gold head of C3PO Human-Cyborg Relations from the Star Wars series instead of the Golden Idol from Raiders of the Lost Ark.

Gameplay consists primarily of the smashing of Lego objects, the excavation of objects using a shovel, and the repairing of broken machinery with a spanner in search of key items with which to construct other key items in the environment, interspersed with the need smash enemies into child-friendly Lego bricks; Violence masked by plastic and nothing could be more rewarding than smacking out Lego Nazis than with a Lego shovel. Despite the reptition of these activities with little variation for the entirety of the game, the many puzzles - ranging from simplistic to mildy complex in difficulty but usually requiring a hefty amount of smashing - keep the mind ticking over nicely, without undue frustration. It is, of course, possible to get stuck on some puzzles and especially so during boss fights but when finally stumbling upon the solution, it’s usually a call for a face-palm.

Is it the smooth frame rate, gorgeous graphics, humour, easily accessible yet oft challenging gameplay that has me hooked, or simply the chiming sound, which reminds me of the mechanical clank made by old pinball machines when pounding bumpers for points, which drives me into an obsessive frenzy of smash and collecting in search of silver, gold and (what I take as) Saphire Lego coins? Probably a healthy helping of all of the above.

However, I suspect my love for Lego Indiana Jones is because, aside from a small number of aggravating puzzles, it’s a game to play at anytime, solo or with friends, and which brings me joy even when I don’t feel like playing anything at all. Harking back to my original question, “has the Lego novelty yet worn off”? No. In fact, Lego Indiana Jones succeeds in offering a more varied and enjoyable gameplay experience than Lego Star Wars, with Traveller’s Tales only now tapping into the full potential of the Lego.

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Having just stepped back into comics after more than eight years absence, I’ve been relying on the advice of the shaggy haired and shaggy bearded comic book owner for recommendations and the advice of Shane Bettenhausen from the 1up network (as well as the occasional suggestion made over at Level Up). So far, I’ve enjoyed The Preacher, Tank Girl and Johnny the Homicidal Maniac, with Garth Ennis taking the lead as my favourite writer.

When looking for a comic, now, I tend to avoid superheroes. I don’t particularly give a shit for someone who has been born with a particular power because, let’s be frank, I ain’t got nothing in common with them. Am I going to feel sorry for a guy who can shoot lasers from his eyes when he gets hit? No. He shoots lasers from his eyes. He can take it.  And so, I was a little apprehensive when The Punisher came up as recommended reading Pulp Fiction Comics.

I’ve always thrown this t-shirt wearing meat-head into the superhero category because let’s be frank, he’s a Marvel character and from the little that I know, Marvel tend to keep company with superheroes. However, on the premise that this particular story was written by Garth Ennis under the banner of Mature Content, dropping $20 didn’t seem like as big a risk as dropping $10 on a Spiderman comic would have been.

My God, was I glad to have chosen it.

When reading the first volume, which is as far as I’ve gotten, though the second volume is now in my possession, I allowed myself to become familiar with the strong characters and bathe in the gratuitous violence. What I didn’t do, was think of The Punisher as a slightly more complex character. That is my failing, however, on the first reading of much leisure material and a habit I’m training myself out of. To become an Active Reader, with pocket dictionary, notepad and pen; mulling on the concepts, themes, flaws and strengths of the material I consume, this is what I seek to become.

How fortunate, then, that this week is Superhero Week on Escapist Magazine, where Ray Huling has contributed a wonderfully insightful piece on The Punisher, comparing him to Captain America, what separates them and why vigilantes aren’t running the steets like that guy that takes a sword to the gut in Highlander.

It’s times like this, when the planets align, and something synchronous happens, encouraging me to continue down the various paths I’ve chosen. In this case, to continue reading more blood-soaked comics, while thinking beyond the humour that is a guy holding his own balls in a cup.

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Firstly; Yes, I’m still alive. Second; I’ve just had a good hour long argument with a friend regarding to what extent you should have played a game to provide a review of it, what they mean and whether reviews should be reclassified into a variety of categories that differentiate between consumer reviews, opinion pieces, critiques and impressions, etc. It was a long and painful discussion and I think we’re on the same page but arrive there via very different paths.

The debate started when discussing Ninja Gaiden II, which I view as nothing more than an update of the original Ninja Gaiden. If anything, NGII simply proved how polished the original was on Xbox. They’re almost identical graphically, though the latter features more shine, blood and gibbage. I believe that, even only having played a few levels in, I should be able to provide MY opinion on the game to my audience, providing that I make it abundantly clear to what extent I played the game, why I don’t wish to play further etc. without having completed the game. However, Matt argued, quite correctly that for the review to be informed and complete I should have played through the entire content of the game and experienced everything it has to offer.

Now, we ended up in quite a debate and considering I’m more stubborn than a Stobie pole, we ended up circling each other like pirates and ninjas dancing to death for a good solid hour.

I believe that I SHOULD be able to provide my opinion, even though I’ve limited experience with the game but I’d prefer to call it Impressions. The idea being that the reader understands my write up is completely subjective and that I, personally, was bored stupid with the game. Though, I wouldn’t consider such thing to be a formal review because, let’s face it, I haven’t played enough of the game to see if it gets better. And then, just to be frustrating, I’d say that if I was bored by four levels in then I have a right to state that I didn’t see a point in continuing. Of course, Matt said but that wouldn’t be a review and then I’d state that I should be able to say so anyway and if you’re reading this, you can probably tell I wasn’t listening very much.

Eventually, we got onto the topic of review scores and I lamented that the 5 star review score we use at www.gamingsa.com isn’t comprehensive enough but Matt pursuaded me that it’s actually better than an out of 10 because it’s more similar to more respected media such as film and books. I then conceded that I feel better giving a something out of 5 stars because it sits better with my gut reaction.

So, the point of this post is to direct you all towards Simon Parkin’s opinion piece ‘Video Game Review Scores: Pointless or Pertinent?’ on Gamasutra which deals with review scores.

“Scores then become a reference to a game’s preceding hype. An 8/10 for a game that was hugely hyped to hobbyist gamers is a punch in the stomach for excited fans (see the anguish exhibited in the MGS4 comments thread). Conversely, an 8/10 for a game nobody cares about is viewed a gross over-generosity.

And that, is why video game review scores are pointless: they often answer a pertinent question that nobody realised they were asking.”

Go, check it out.

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A short list of faults:

• Long install time followed by long load times
• Sound that cuts in and out
• Graphics more reminiscent of Halo 2 than a current-generation game
• Extremely pixelated textures
• Poor handling vehicles
• Poor level design which often makes it difficult to figure out where you’re to head to next
• Unexciting gunplay that remains consistent the entire length of the game
• Enemies amounting to nothing more than canon fodder
• Squad mates that spout the same three lines over and over during battle, which gets really annoying really quickly
• It’s very short but considering the quality of the game overall, this isn’t a bad thing. The less time spent playing the better
• Online games that are difficult to get into and which you’re quick to be booted from

Haze just isn’t a very good game. Is there anything good about it? No, not particularly. Should you play it? No, I wouldn’t recommend that.

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… SHIT!

I can’t sleep. Hold me?

5/5

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… what?!

3/5

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BRUTAL LEGEND.

Now, just what the fuck is happening with it? There hasn’t been news for a while now.

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